Hello everyone!! Right now I feel so many emotions all at once and they are so overwhelming that all I want to do is SI!!! I have been extremely angry these past few days and my therapist says that it probably has to do with Mothers day as I don’t talk to my mom and also around this time two years ago I tried to commit suicide. It feels as though everything is happening all at once(bad stuff) and I can’t handle it anymore!! It is too much!!! I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out. I am isolating a lot lately too and don’t want to talk to anyone and I know that is not good but all my friends seem too busy to talk to me. I feel like I have no one except for one loyal friend I met at SAFE and no one where I live. Maybe I should just SI and get it outta the way so this pain can be elleviated somewhat even if its only for a few minutes. I am trying to stay afloat but am sinking really fast!!! Maybe I should just move away to where no one knows me and then…??? Who knows!!! Alone….
Whatever you do, DON’T SI. Don’t isolate yourself. Don’t create your own chaos. In other words, don’t lock yourself away from the world. Push yourself to call someone, and just talk to them. Don’t create your own stress…don’t freak over things that can be easily solved or dealt with. You’ll feel alot better. I used to despise father’s day because I don’t talk to my dad. I hate him. It’s bad. Last year, I locked myself in my room for most of the day on father’s day. This year, it will be different. I’m celebrating it in freedom from my father’s abuse.
Stay strong.
-rescue
I’m glad that you are taking care of yourself!! I don’t know if I can do this…to pick up the phone is excruciating and usually I get an answering machine or they are busy. Who cares??? My sponsor was supposed to call me back tonight and she still hasn’t. I want to SI really really bad!!! I’m in a dark place it feels like right now and I know that I have to be the one to get myself out with the help of my Higher Power but it is HARD!!! I don’t know what to do…so far I haven’t SIed in 3 days but that can cahnge in a matter of minutes!!! I am trying and white knuckling it right now!!!! Hope to hear from you again. Thanks!!!
White knuckling it is the worst thing you can do. Waiting it out doesn’t work for anyone. You have to act on it, in a good way. I write out my prayers to my higher power, and then I say them out loud. I got really lost this weekend, and I prayed all three nights. I’m okay. It is hard to pick up the phone, it is hard to talk to that Higher spirit. Sometimes, I shut myself off from Him because I feel I can’t speak, but then when I lay in silence I end up talking. Right after I talk, I sleep. This really helps, because you ask for help and then you let the higher power help you heal. I always do this, and I wake up confident and I brush off the problem and the impulse from the night before. Instead of having one person, you should have backup contacts. I never call just one person when I’m getting an urge. I sometimes call up to 5 people. This is really helpful.
Have faith!
<3 rescue