I’ve been hoping for a boost up, but, so far, it’s been pretty bad. I kept telling myself I would not SI, but then I always wound up doing it, and for the past two weeks or so, I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve had thoughts of suicide. I just don’t know what to DO anymore, things have gotten way worse again after everything was starting to get just a little bit better. I know it would hurt a lot of people if I did it, but… I just want to give up, if this is going to be a constant struggle of SIing or not SIing. I know that I should be concerned because SI started with thoughts, and look where it’s gotten me… No matter how good of a mood I may be in one day, I’ll always get terrible at night, when I need to stay positive the most. By the way, thank you everyone for the comments. Sorry I didn’t respond… Rescue, you made me think a lot about my relationship with God, but… unfortunately, it’s really being tested right now. I know if I lose that, life will be utterly hopeless.
The first two weeks of my recovery, I would be this way also. You’re not alone. It was like I would have the best day, and then just be ticked off for no reason that night. I told my therapist this, and she told me something extremely true about myself and about SI’ers in general. She said that when you’re so sad for a llong time and you hurt yourself over it, and then you start recovering and there’s nothing to be sad about, then you sort of miss being depressed and just get like that so easily for no reason…just for the sake of being depressed. And when this sort of thing happens, I’d pick up a phone and either call her or a friend, immediately. Like last night, too, one of my friends was being really mean to me and telling me they didn’t care. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I really wasn’t ready to talk to God, or I atleast didn’t think I could. But, at the very end of the night, I layed there and spoke to him, then I fell asleep. That’s the best way to do it. Pray and then sleep. Because you leave your problems with God, he hears you and he deals with it, and then the next morning all is okay.
Have faith, it gets you far. Much love to you.
<3, rescue
Thank you sooo much for your reply on my first post..I’m new here and ,I have no idea how to use or reply to people on here .. Sorry for being slow, I hope that you’re okay.. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking… I’m not sure If god will ever come my way… Please stay strong and TRY not to SI … I know how hard it is not to… Drop me a Message if you need anything xoxoxo Heather