I’ve been hoping for a boost up, but, so far, it’s been pretty bad.  I kept telling myself I would not SI, but then I always wound up doing it, and for the past two weeks or so, I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve had thoughts of suicide.  I just don’t know what to DO anymore, things have gotten way worse again after everything was starting to get just a little bit better.  I know it would hurt a lot of people if I did it, but… I just want to give up, if this is going to be a constant struggle of SIing or not SIing.  I know that I should be concerned because SI started with thoughts, and look where it’s gotten me… No matter how good of a mood I may be in one day, I’ll always get terrible at night, when I need to stay positive the most.  By the way, thank you everyone for the comments.  Sorry I didn’t respond… Rescue, you made me think a lot about my relationship with God, but… unfortunately, it’s really being tested right now.  I know if I lose that, life will be utterly hopeless.