So last night I was sitting here at work (on the computer) and my cell phone rang. Well here the lady who scheduled my appointment for this morning scheduled me when the therapist wasn’t in. So, I became very agitated and worked up and immediately started crying. Well then she gave me some options on what I could do about rescheduling. Anyways, long story short I collected myself (I thought of everything that I have heard in the meetings, like NOT causing my own chaos) and everything worked out fine.
Today, I had to meet with that therapist about her being an advocate for me. My county said that they wouldn’t accept me into the intense partial hosptial program, so she is going to fight for me and figure out the loop holes!!! I am so relieved!!
Today is also my boyfriends 1yr. for being clean and sober!!! So, tonight we are throwing him a surprise party for when he gets home from work at 1:00 am. I am so excited, I have only ever had one other sober relationship in my entire life. That was with my first love and I was 16 years old. After that the SIing got worse and then I started whatever else. But, I have been realizing the past few nights that I am unbelivably falling in love with him!! I am not kidding. I feel so weird saying that, but really I am. I miss him so much, I really have not seen him other than when he comes in to work out b/c he just started working and we are on different schedules.
They say absence makes the heart grown fonder…I don’t kniow. What I do know is that he is the one who put the idea of loving God into my head…and the idea of begining to love myself. He took me to my first meeting and I have kept up with them ever since. And the most IMPORTANT thing is that he does not pressure me in anyway physically. I know that sounds crazy, but that is sooo important to me!!! My scars do not bother him
Part of me is sooo afraid of him though, so afraid of giving him my heart. I want to soo badly, but I have concerns!!! I have concerns of having my heart broken. I know I can only take one day at a time, and I have been trying to not act like I am a young, nieve girl just falling in love with the first guy she meets. THat is not the case, there really is something so special about him,soething that is soo right about him. He lives his life knowing that he might not be here tomorrow. I don’t mean to idolize him…but if you could meet him you would understand.
I am just afraid of losing him…and afraid of how hard I am falling for him. 🙂
At the same time…I cannot do anythiing but smile the biggest smile 🙂
(sorry this was so long!)
Gah, I feel the same way about my bf! Its insane, Im only 14, but its like, well i cant describe him either! Hes amazing. He jokes around, and is really fun, but its like when he says he cares, he means it. Im scard that if it ends badly its gonne hurt me really bad. At the same time, I want to tell him everything, i want him to really, really know me. Sometimes he annoys me, just because of something stupid he will do, but i cant stay mad at him. He has fun, but is serious when he has to be, and really sweet. One of the things i love most is that hes a kid at heart and can always make me laugh, and espically when i really need to simle. Its great to have him, hes actually the reason i stoped SIing. Sorry, little rant, i do that alot! 😀
I’m so glad you’re having a great day. It’s so good to hear. I’m glad you have a support system too. The fact that you are worried is normal, and it’s okay. But take it in slowly. It’s okay to love, but in theory, you should love yourself and know who you are before you invest your love in anyone else.
If it comes to your heart being played with, I wouldn’t do it. Like I said, you need to focus on you. If things ever get bad, don’t give up. It’s not worth yourself and your emotions, and its certainly not worth hurting your body.
You can do it, I have faith.
<3 always, rescue
Haha! No problem with the rant…I rant too!! I hope everything works out for Ýou and your boyfriend!!! Love is one thing that I have always longed for…and a loÞ of the time…wanting for it so badly kept me here! Love can do amazing things. Loving God can do amazing things!!! Keep that in mind 🙂