hi…

sorry people. I know I post too much…

now I really need to write, and I know I could do it on a journal or on a personal blog. but…somehow I prefer to write here. I hope no one gets angry.

today my mom and my dad got angry at me because I don’t want to take a driving license… I am scared of driving. I can be really good at some things but I mess up all when I am being evaluated or when I know if I fail there will be serious issues. I don’t say I can’t learn driving, I am saying I will fail because I will get to nervous in the exam or in road…

I am really tired again today. I SIed this week… my mom and dad are putting a lot of pressure on me. because of the chores, now because the driving license, because they need me to lend them some money, because a lot of things…

my friends to… it is like all of my friends are fragile and most of them don’t know how to handle their problems, and although I am the one of us all who has the most serious issues in life, although is me who has the worst mental condition…it is me who takes care of them. My best friend is always asking me advices, she is always dependent on me. and I can’t handle this burden. She is my friend but I don’t want to be the responsible for her life. I can’t say I am sad or feeling lonely because she will only behave childish. She will start saying that is is her fault and she won’t stop saying this until I say I am OK. other friend of mine if I am distracted while talking to her she will say “you don’t care about me. I am a burden. You hate me.”. So I need to be foccused on her. and finally other… well if I speak about my boyfriend she will only say “you don’t need me. you just care about him”

I like them all very much…but sometimes I just don’t know what I need to do more. I am always taking care of them.

Of my sisters, parents and friends…and lately of my boyfriend to. He is suffering pressure from college and because of them I need to pretend I am OK. If I don’t he will be sad and he will not be foccused on the exams…

Sara