Hello…

I’ve been really tired these last days. I feel my head quite heavy now but I wanted to tell you somethings that happened since my last post.

First of all… a friend of mine asked me one thing. She asked me to sing in her birthday party.

I will explain. When I was living in other city I belonged to the theater club in school and outside school I belonged to one garage rock band. I was the vocalist. That friend of mine knows that, because she lives in that city I lived before and she called me yesterday asking me to join the band and play in her birthday party that will be in August.

I know the other members will like the idea but I am scared. It has been a long time since the last time I sung on stage.

Maybe you are asking: how could you be on stage if you don’t even can talk to a strange by the phone. Well… it is different. When is in theatre I just think I am not myself. I am the chacter… And the character is not me, so I can’t be scared. When is singing I can do it…My voice doesn’t shake, my body doesn’t get all stiff and…I just can do it…well at least I could… Lately I am less confident… day by day I’m becoming  weaker and more nervous. I don’t want to say “no” to her because she is one of my best friends and she said “it is the best present you can give to me”…

If I go to that city in August I will be able to contact Lara, my last psychologist, and maybe my last psychiatrist to… It will be only in some months but… I am nervous.  I don’t know what to do.

Today one person said I am a cold person… it is not the first one who says me that. My boyfriend before fall in love with me and vice versa he hated me…because I don’t show many emotions to other persons. I just try to be rational. I call it “outside character” because I am far more emotional than what I show. But outside I show I am a direct and cold person. I study a lot of psychology and then when people are sad I try to be their counselour, and when people are being unreasonable I try to use all science in the world to make them understand that. People outside define me like a  “extremely rational” person…

I just do that because if I show my feelings the situation will be over control. if there are two persons and the situation goes over control, there will be no one for repairing the damages. I just try to avoid all damages

I am not like that… It is good to be rational, but…I have feelings