Alright… I’m kinda nervous putting this out here, but… maybe it’ll help… I dont know. I haven’t been doing SI for too long, only about three and a half or four months. I just dont want this to become permanent, but it almost feels like it will be. Sometimes it’s just so hopeless, I keep telling myself that I’ll stop, but then I just go and do it again. I dont get myself anymore. I’m this… terrible stranger. One moment I’ll be pretty happy, or I fool even myself into thinking that I am, and then the next I’ll be completely down and find myself breaking down yet again. Sleep used to be my only solace, but now I can’t even bear to sleep, the dreams are terrible. Maybe this will keep me from doing it tonight… Just a bit hard to stay optimistic nowadays.