It was a crazy busy weekend. I ran and ran, kept focused and stayed safe. However, I had dreams of SIing. I craved it, I am craving it! I am torn, my recovery is first. And today it is hard!!! Today I want to. But, I will not. I hate that I feel like this. God is really testing me. I know isolation is not good, but I figured better to get on here than nothing. I feel so lonely, but I am not. Please, someone…when does thia feeling of being completely insane go away?
You’re not insane, you’re human, and you’re recovering. I’m so proud of you for staying strong. As hard as it is to control our dreams [its impossible] whenever I have a bad dream I wake up and ask God to take the bad thoughts away, then I go back to sleep and I’m okay. You’re not alone, don’t worry. I get bad dreams every single night and never get a full night’s sleep. I live through though, I pray through.
You can, too.
<3, rescue
You know…I woke up today and I could have stayed in bed all day!!! I got up and took my dog downstairs to go outside and I was sitting on the steps being depressed (still am, just kinda moving around it) and I had to break down and ask God to help me get up and get moving today. It is not too bad of a day…keeping busy here at work and just getting things in order…living life. There was an NA meeting last night that I went to…I really needed it last night. Man…talk about inspiring!!! This journey is amazing…hard…worthwhile…painful…but AMAZING…end result will be more than words can describe. But, one day at a time…that is all I can handle!! Thank you, rescue is possible, you always make me feel okay…sometimes I get upset with your replies..but you really know what you are talking about. I hope to someday have your wisdom.
Thanks. I’m glad to be helping you. And just curious, in what ways do you become upset? I’d just like to know. And I’m glad also by the way, that you are becoming inspired and enlightened by meetings and by God. From here, you can only go forward. You’ll do great, I have faith in you completely. I’ve been praying for you to be okay…I’ll continue with that. Good luck, congratulations on a good day!!!
-<3 rescue.
Hey Rescue.
I was abused when I was young by my step dad and then later for the past 5 years by my uncle. Trying to talk about it instead of around it is hard. I have onlý been out on my own for the past 5 months, until that though I was still living with my uncle.
Drugs and alchol kept me from injuring and kept me from living the truth. A lie is easier to live if you have help (drugs n alchol) living it. I have 55 days clean and sober…almost 30 SI free. MÝ sponsor þhinks that I am using SI in exchange for drugs and alcohol, too bad its the other way around. Its funny the things you begin to realize when your mind is clear. 😉
I enjoy very much staying in contact with you. You are Þrulý inspirational.
🙂 Jymes
Erm, well I was absued as a kid too, but I have realized that it’s easier to talk, to share your story, so you’re better understood to the world. You also feel a sense of power over your abuse if you let it out, it shows you go unconquered and strong. You can do it! 55 days is AWESOME, as is 30! Congrats!
Sorry to hear about your abuse 🙁 .
The most important thing I am learning is that I am not alone. This blogg proves that!!!
Thank you!!! And I cannot wait to celebrate 60!!!!
I’ll count the days with you, and keep on praying for yah! You’re right, you’re not alone. And the fact that you opened up to me and told me about the abuse and all the ‘untouchable’ dark stuff in your life, that took courage. I’m proud of you for letting that out…like I said, it helps me understand you better as a person, and I’m glad you did that.
<3, rescue.
Thank you for your support!!
Jymes