I feel like a big fake. My family and friends think im si free, and im not. I was last time i posted, but im not anymore. Whats worse is that they r so proud of me 4 working so hard, but im not. Im giving up. I have even lost my desire 2 b si free. That scares me 2 cause i dnt no what it will take 4 me 2 get it bk. I dnt even no what caused me 2 loose it, i just no i got the urge 2 si, and there were none of the fellings that normally hold me bk. All i felt was the urge 2 si, not that ussual hesitency, that normal, do i really want 2 do this feeling. When i was preparing, i never once felt that twinge of do i really wanna do this. Now i feel horible, cause i have 2 lie 2 everyone, else they will treat me like crap, and i will wanna si even worse. I wanna have the desire 2 b si free, i guess outta guilt, cause i no i should at least wanna stay safe. But its just not there.
It takes motivation. It takes trust and honesty. Be honest with your friend…she won’t be mad, most likely. Instead, you have to ask her to please help you get back on your recovery. Just ask for help, and you shall recieve it. She will forgive you, if you just ask for that. It will be okay.
It really stinks having to lie to your family. As for finding the strength to want to stop, Ive completly lost that too. I hope that you can be open with your family and they can help you get back onto the path of recovery, or at least understand that you have had a slip. Take care.
If you ever want to talk or anything you can email me at crmazingo@gmail.com
I know exactly how u feel. I dont really have any advice, but i just wanted to tell you that you are not alone.
Good Luck
I lie to everyone’s face, too. Even my friends who know that I am SI-ing again don’t know how bad it is. I don’t allow them to know.
I hope all gets better for you…
-Kate-