So, I’m new on here. I don’t think I’m the typical SI’er to write on here… but I found this site a couple weeks ago and thought maybe it would help.
I have been SI’ing on and off since about November I guess… sometimes I go over a month clean, sometimes only a week or so. I haven’t SI’ed recently…but I’ve had SI thoughts, as they call it on here. I always feel like I never live up to my potential; and it makes me upset. I stress out really really easily, especially about school stuff and my future.
I haven’t really told anyone, 2 people found out.. one of them I don’t talk to anymore, the other thinks I stopped ages ago.I’m not sure exactly why I’m on here, maybe to make me feel better, like I’m actually trying to do something?
…
You’re here because you want to seek people who understand, and you want to be helped. You’ve come to the right place exactly. All of us understand how tough it is. It’s okay to be disappointed and upset, but we have to learn how to channel our anger and frustration into less harmful things. Because its not fair to us and our bodies. I’ve said this before, but SI turns you away from what you’re supposed to be. “Love thy neigbor as yourself”…according to God, you have to love others as much as you love you. But how can we do this, if we don’t love ourselves? We must learn to love ourselves, we must learn who we are as people. It takes a long time, but it’s worth it. I’ll pray fr you, keep hanging in there.
Thanks. It’s truly hard to love myself, definitely. I knowI’m not alone, but sometimes it’s so so hard. Hopefully, yeah, I’ll get through this. Hopefully everyone else on here does too. I know that SI’ing is bad, but it’s not that easy sometimes.
Darn right it isn’t that easy. But that’s why there’s God, there’s help, and there is hope, no matter how much we isolate ourselves from it. That’s exactly the problem. When we’re depressed, the WORST thing we can do is stay away from the world. Instead of drawing back from everyone, we have to lunge forward and look for people who can get us through. Here is where you’ll find that.
Of course it is not easy. This is how we have learned to cope- and not a good method should I say. I am learning everyday, that harming myself does not make the situations go away- to me, it intensifies because now I have to hide the wounds, feel guilty and deal with the darn same issues. I take one day at a time and that is it. A lot of people have coping methods that they have problems with, ours is just DIFFERENT. I don’t condone it, because I know that SIing is destructive and potentially fatal, but we are no different from anyone else. As far as your potential goes, do you have a hobby? Is there something that you love to do? If so, DO IT. Get great at it and believe me, you will start to feel like you are living up to your potential and the confidence will come (with school, work and your future). It will all fall into place. So stop stressing about everything, and concentrate on one thing at a time and it will not be sooooooooo consuming. Much love to you.
Michelle
Thanks for all of the advice.
Harming oneself makes makes me feel better for the moment, but yes, hiding wounds, and regret makes it bad, and I know that, just sometimes I don’t think straight, you know? I do have hobbies, I play the oboe nonstop. And I am working on stopping stress. I’m 16, and I have tons of schoolwork (because I take 3 AP classes and the rest honors), and my mom’s sick and has surgery next week (which means that lately, I’ve had to do a lot more work to help my parents get everything done).
As things get easier, maybe I’ll feel better.