every time i get better i just get worse again i was doing fine for a little while and now today i S.I.’ed again i always go back to it i feel like just curling up in a ball and crying i dunno what to do and my friends don’t help me any they just get mad at me they don’t realize I’m addicted to it and i can’t stop its the only thing that keeps me sane anymore and i keep having flash backs of my best friend that committed suicide i can’t stand it i can’t even focus at school I’m so distracted and all everybody is doing is getting mad at me and yelling at me half the time its like they’re not even yelling at me its like i’m in a haze and nobody can get through i feel like there’s something wrong with me and i have no one to make it better every relationship i get in people hurt me i don’t understand anything anymore sometimes i feel like the world is working against me nothing ever works i try so hard to just push everything aside and be happy but i can’t do it it always ends up popping into my mind again and i get really depressed and then my thoughts start swirling to fast for me to handle and i have flash backs so i S.I. because that’s the only thing that slows everything down and brings me back to reality but then i feel horrible because i feel like there’s something wrong with me idk what to do