I was crying a while ago and I decided to share a bit of my last days. Lately I’ve been sick and getting sick easily. I have heart problems and a weak body but I usually don’t get sick so often.

Because of that I haven’t been able to go to school. My teachers try to erase some absences because I have too many and ’cause I am the student with a highest average of grades. Yesterday I went to the hospital with an acquaintance and the doctor said that besides I already have a depression I am with a nervous break down too. He said that I should take a break from school because my body wouldn’t bear up so much tiredness. My philosophy teacher said the same today. Now I am thinking “yeah of course, and then I will loose the pace of school”

Besides if I can’t hold it there will be no one to take care of my sisters. That’s why I didn’t told to my mom and to my dad. I just ripped of the paper with prescription for the medicines. most of them I already knew since before I hade to take them. I don’t take any more medicines. I know it would be useful and so what…but I get tired easily and I can’t get that tired. I need to attend school, to do the chores, to take care of my friends and all that…

I feel my head heavy now, and because I am with fever I am feeling cold. My mom doesn’t know that I am sick so I can’t do anything more. the medicines for fever are in her room, and the door is locked.

And then people ask: why don’t you tell her. I can’t tell…if I tell she will come home and that means that she will loose money. Also she will get angry with me because she says I can’t get sick and that I need to help no matter what. I don’t want to hear her screaming. If I tell my dad he will beat me because I can’t get sick: I need to take care of my sisters…

My boyfriend lives almost 700km ( 434.98000 Miles) away from me. Is too bad that I want to finish high school quickly and go live with my grandparents (the university I want to go is near my grandparents house)? The only friends I have live far away too because I moved a year and half ago… I really want to get out from here… Am I a bad person for that?

I am really tired. I didn’t sleep the last two nights