Today I’m very hopeful. Yesterday wasn’t such a great day for me. I wasn’t exactly in the greatest mind frame. My husband found out that I was SIing again, and to no surprise to me he wasn’t very happy about it to say the least. Even though we haven’t really talked about it yet. I’m still holding out hope that maybe one time we can have a civil conversation about it. But through all that I found that I can talk to people who don’t SI about SI and I wasn’t judged by them or anything. They just sat there and listened and really tried to understand. I went to bed last night and laid there for about an hour just thinking and thinking about SIing. I laid in bed for about and hour and finally made myself go to sleep.

When i woke up this morning I had this sense of victory and confidence that yes I can fight the urge to SI. I woke up with no regret or disappointment, and that was such a great feeling for me. I know I’m still going to have battles that I have to face and the fear of slipping. But i’m hoping that if I do slip up I can continue forward and keep on working to reach that light at the end of the tunnel that I know in my heart there is.

I’ve also have decided that I’m going to go back to counceling and find more support groups not for anyone else just for myself. I know I have a long journey ahead, but I’m holding out hope for myself……