Ugh, i worked so hard on being si free, and i was doing great. This past weekend i started having flashbacks of when i used 2 injure. (Am i the only one that gets them?) I was so proud of myself, cause even tho it caused tremendous cravings, i didnt give n. But i guess that all amounts 2 nothing now tho, cause the past 2 days ive had some situational stuff going on, and i got n2 it w one of my best frnds. Well anyway, i was feeling like a failure, and feeling a lot of self loathing. I was so hurt 2. I just felt wortless and rejected. So after resisting the urge 4 2 days, and i mean resistin w all my might, i gave n and tried 2 end it all. I guess now even tho i didnt do wat most consider si, i cant say that im si free. So needless 2 say im discusted w my self. I feel like i just threw almost 4 months of being si free out the window. I was just starting 2 accually celebrate recovery 2 it was great. But i guess enough w the negitivity, i did it once, i can do it again. I no i can b si free again. Just 2 let everyone 4m safe no, my treatment wasnt 4 nothing, i learned i can overcome, and i will. I just need 2 pick myself up. Well, i guess i didnt need 2 post after all i guess i gave myself the feedback i needed. Maybe the end of my post will help someone n my shoes.