So Im really confused. Im feeling really stressed now, because iots the end of the school year and we have tons of tests, and since I go to a magnet school, I laso have to pull my portfolio together for re-auditions. Theres so much to do, and my depression is comeing back, and Im haveing relationship troubles now. My bf is getting really distant, and theres rumors that he was seen kissing another girl on a bus. I dont think its true, because ive only herd it from two or three people, but it keeps buzzing around in my head. I feel like hes not talkin gto me at all, because hes not, and its buging me. We usted to be so close, we were such good friends before. Its been a monthe almost, and I think were about over. I keep thinking, what if he DID kiss another girl. Is he feeling guilty and avoiding me, or does he want to breakup, and is just to chicken to do it?
On the flip side, Im kind of proudn of myself. I havnt Sid in about two or three weeks now. two nights ago, I came so close. I was looking at the tool I use, and I keept thinking about it. I think I sat there for about two, three hours strugling over it. I finally tried to relax, and started listening to the rain outside, untill I calmed down. I was able to put the tool up, and go to sleep without Si. It was so hard to not SI, but Im really glad I didnt do it.
On a final note, a few days ago, I had a dream that all my friends and family turned into animals and started attacking me. When i woke up, I had marks and im pretty sure they were self-inflicted. Is my subcontious trying to make me SI? Thats never happened before, and its scary. Im scared that this is my bodys way of getting me to hurt myself without me knowing. What do I do?