everytime i stop S.I. i end up doing something just as bad or worse or i just go right back to it they say writing should help but i write like crazy but i still want to S.I. its like i have to to get any relief otherwise i just drive myself insane i can’t even handle my own thoughts let alone the things that go on around me and all my friends just act like it should be so easy to stop its not ugh nobody understands it i hate being like this but everything is just to much i already have S.I.’ed today i dunno what to do i need something to make all of this stop
You’re right, it isn’t easy to stop. And the thing you need to surround yourself with is support and understanding. By coming here to me and to everyone else, you have found that place. We are here to help you. You CAN stop. Writing is a major relief, and sometimes it’s not enough. I said this before, back when I was stubborn and stupid. ANYTHING can relieve the pain, but NOTHING is solved by SI. It makes pain worse. It can ruin your body. I’m serious…not just physically, but mentally. It will destroy you. And that’s not fair to you at all. You should love yourself, as hard as that is. Actually, you have to love yourself, in order to be able to love anyone else. And trust me, you can do that. Just let God and understanding, caring people in your life, and instead of SI’ing, talk talk talk! Pick up the phone. I don’t care who you call, just call someone. It will occupy the time and make things pass. It works more than often. Try it. You’re loved, and you may not know it, but you will eventually.
I completely understand. I s.i. the other night. I am recovering, but it is painful. This was definitely a wake up call for me. This is the worst case I have had, I am so glad I found this site because now it allows me to write and get things out of my system before I feel the need to go pick up a sharp- because once a sharp is in my hands, it is too late. I know how defenseless you feel and guilt, shame, worthless.. the list goes on-BUT…now you have a place to write about it. Just log on when you feel the urge. Now i am not saying it will stop immediately, but with this type of support, it can calm it down to hopefully one day, you won’t even think about it.
michelle