So, not really sure that everything I’m going type right now is going to make complete sense, cuz i don’t even know what I’m thinking right now. Maybe with this blog I’m just trying to get my thoughts together. Not really sure where to start but here we go. I really having a hard time understanding a couple of things. I really just feel trapped in my own life. Yeah i have a nice car I have nice things, but that’s doesn’t help you figure out who you are. I don’t even know where to begin on figuring myself out. This weekend was just those worst, I tried really hard not to SI but my efforts weren’t successful. I just have a hard time understanding why the last weekend that my husband is going to be home he doesn’t want to spend every minute with me. Is there something that wrong with me. Yeah we are going through a ton of problems, but you think for one weekend for one more week he could push those problems aside. I guess I just feel really unloved & underappriciated. Yeah I know ppl love me, but I think there’s a difference between knowing and feeling it.  I’m just freaking out right now. I’m about to change my life completly and i don’t know how i’m going to do it how i’m going to handle it. I’m getting ready to more across country, waiting for my husband to deploy, getting the apt packed up, and trying to get all my work done at my job before i leave. I just feel like i’m standing there screaming and no one can hear me or they hear and they just don’t care. I feel like i’m on the verge of falling off the deep end and i don’t know how to get back up. And all I can think about is SI because that’s the one thing that i feel i have control over, but does one really having control or is it a false sense of control?? Not sure about that one..