Why am I going down this path AGAIN??? Depression I am so familiar with. Fought it off so many times before. It’s not that I don’t think I can, because I knew if I put in my all I could do it, but yet I’m so tired of having to fight, so tired of having to pick myself up and get myself to be happy for the unknown time. I’m tired of having to do it, I really am. Happiness is something that should come naturally. Sure, I’m confident I can pull through this again (again and again and again…), but at the same time frightened that I am going to keep going down this path and keep falling and then no one will be able to help me. One day I’m so happy and having a great day and then the next… the next this. Why can’t I just be happy and stay that way? Why is it so difficult for me? I journal, I paint, starting blogging here but I don’t know… I fight inbetween wanting to drink to the point of being drunk and wanting to injure myself. I’ve been fighting off  the urge from both for maybe a month now but for how long am I suppose to fight this battle? I feel like it’s wearing me down and just waiting for me to be vulnerable enough. I’m usually a happy outgoing individual… I don’t feel like myself, this isn’t who I am. I want me back… has anyone seen where I gone?