I just realized something which kind of scares me. See sometimes when something happens i get into a bad mood. A depressed mood i guess. Now this mood is VERY dangerous for me especially when i am alone. Also because later i might reflect on it and want to si because of it or events that happened that caused it. Now part of me (the sensible know whats best for me part) is screaming that i need to get rid of this mood when it happens and not bother to look back on it later when i am alone. However another part (the dark part that doesnt care about my safety) is screaming loudly that it likes the feeling. I dont know why but i do. I like it to me it is comforting better than being stressed or worrying however it is also dangerous. If only i could live in a middle ground state. I once felt this way. Were everything was peaceful and i wasnt’ sad….just relaxed and calm. However i haven’t felt that way again. I just keep getting these bouts of sadness and i know they are not good but i dont know what to do about it. I guess i could tell my councilor but then what. I lose this feeling and go back to always being stressed. I dont want that either since it is also dangerous. I just dont know. Pls can someone try to sort out what i just rambled on about and said and help me understand myself because even by typing it out i dont know and usually writting helps.
I completely understand exactly what you are saying!! I just went over this the other day with my therapist. I do not really understand it. I mean on one hand…I really do not even want to control it!!! On the other hand…I want nothing more than to be rid of this problem. I am not sure what to do a lot of the time!! But, the last time is SIed was about two weeks ago. I keep thinking about that…and I do not want to go through that again. It is not like us, who SI to think of what we have to do after we have SIed. But, now I try to think about that!! Even though it usually do not matter, I keep trying to remind myself that my body does not deserve what I do to it. Its not fair. And it is definitely not fair to me.
I become very depressed over a lot of “stupid” things. Really, I do not find them stupid, but others might. So, I just try to talk myself through them, I try to think like someone else, sometimes it helps, sometimes not. I always hope for the best though!! My email is laura_jymes@yahoo.com if you would like to talk.
That happens. To me, it happens alot. I haven’t been diagnosed, but I honestly think I suffer from depression. I go through ridiculous SI withdrawal, and sometimes I feel like crap. But I’m learning that it’s okay to feel like crap. I just surround myself with people to talk to, I pick up a phone. Yesterday, I went for a walk, and I’ve been starting to live by my own advice more and more. And even I’m surprised at how it helps me.