I just realized something which kind of scares me. See sometimes when something happens i get into a bad mood. A depressed mood i guess. Now this mood is VERY dangerous for me especially when i am alone. Also because later i might reflect on it and want to si because of it or events that happened that caused it. Now part of me (the sensible  know whats best for me part) is screaming that i need to get rid of this mood when it happens and not bother to look back on it later when i am alone. However another part (the dark part that doesnt care about my safety) is screaming loudly that it likes the feeling. I dont know why but i do. I like it to me it is comforting better than being stressed or worrying however it is also dangerous. If only i could live in a middle ground state. I once felt this way. Were everything was peaceful and i wasnt’ sad….just relaxed and calm. However i haven’t felt that way again. I just keep getting these bouts of sadness and i know they are not good but i dont know what to do about it. I guess i could tell my councilor but then what. I lose this feeling and go back to always being stressed. I dont want that either since it is also dangerous. I just dont know. Pls can someone try to sort out what i just rambled on about and said and help me understand myself because even by typing it out i dont know and usually writting helps.