I have not SI’d in three months and I was really pround but my anorexia has taken complete control. I normally only eat between 300-500 calories a day. I am in counseling and saw him yesterday. I tried very hard today and had over all 800 which was my goal but I am now compltelty freaking out. I am trying so hard not to purge what I just ate but I ate it cause I was so hungry and know I needed real food. I’m startingto have some health problmes. But I also excercised 300 calories off so in reality I actually only had 500 calories today. I’m used to only having 500 than excersing some off and than only having 200. I can’t do this and now I really feel a very strong need to SI. I was thinking today that I don’t even have the desire to do it anymore and than here I am needing it so bad. I hate this! I just need to SI but really don’t want to ruin the progress in that area. I can’t do this. Does it really matter. I guess tomorrow I”ll just have to restrict more to make up for today. I really just wish both of these would just go away!