I been struggling with SI for about 7 yrs now. I have been clean for a little over 3 1/2 yrs now.  But recently that’s not the case.  I’ve been slowly slipping back into my old ways. I guess life just sometimes can get so overwhelming to me and i don’t feel like I have a decent outlet for every emotion that is going on in my head. About two years ago my husband and I lost our first baby, and I think that is one of the problems that I havn’t been able to fully handle. I did go and seek therapy awhile after that happened, but I feel I never got closer from that whole situation. I’m still angry at the hospital more then i think anyone can understand. I know your supposed to be able to let things go and say everything happens for a reason, but how do you get over losing a child. I’ve also have been struggling with the thought of my husband getting ready to deploy again (for the third time). All those thoughts of is he going to come home to me and be safe. SIing helps me get away from those thoughts puts my mind somewhere else for awhile. I feel I really have no one in my life that can fully understand what is going on with me. My husband doesn’t understand have tried to explain. But I’m not sure if he doesn’t understand or if just chooses not to (If that makes any sense at all). I guess it’s like I have the weight of the whole world on my shoulders and I feel trapped with now way out.  And SIing feels like my one escape. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks