Hi people…
I am new here so I kinda don’t know what to write. I am a 17years old portuguese girl (portuguese from Portugal). I am shy and reserved. I have good grades…actually my main teacher said I am the best student in class. I don’t feel that way… I like to draw, to read, to write (poetry specially), and to do a lot of things. I even have boyfriend.
But do you know when your past is always haunting you? Also I have many problems at home… And all days I just think about SI… I started s.i. when I was 12 years old but I already hurt myself when I was 6…
I just want somewhere where I can share my feelings with someone who understands SI…
You can identify with everyone on here. Alot of us feel lost most of the time, and that’s okay. We’re only human. You’ve said you write poetry…that’s a great thing. Use that as your outlet, instead of SI. It’s great, and it’s great for you. Writing and doing healthy things and filling our lives with that instead of this big emptiness is such a great thing–that’s it, all that SI brings us is darkness and emptiness. And that’s not what we need. We should find our passion, and use that to get us through. I draw all the time, I write all the time, and I pray all the time. I also run. Running, reading, writing, and praying to God are my passions, and they are important to me. I am recovering, and along with my friends’ help, I use that to help me. Try it!
Im always here if you want to talk. Ive only been on this sight for around a week and it has already helped me alot because i can share what i am feeling, instead of keeping it inside. You can email me an ochsa_lady@yahoo.com or just leave me a comment and i will get back to you as soon as possible. I hope that i can be of some help to you.
love, Babygurl<3
Sara-chan –
Your intro reminds me of myself when I was 17. I had very similiar feelings about the past and SI. On this site, you will find many helpful souls that will listen and care for your feelings.
Please consider letting go of your past. I can’t tell you how much your haunting past will hurt you more than you want to be hurt. Your past will add to your current issues at home and that can be a very heavy load to carry. I understand that letting go of the past is very hard and it was hard for me too.
I was able let go of my past when I was called down to the counseling office with the new interm principal and my soon-to-retire counselor. Neither quite understood my actions or thoughts, but in the end, my father was called down and showed my most private blogs that was meant for my closest friends. That night, I showed my parents my scars, and in a sense, I was able to be honest with them. They caused most of my pain.
At one point in your life, you have to realize that you must start going forward and never look back. I learn this from a motivational speaker I was covering for the school newspaper: the past will remind you of two things – you’re not worthy and you make mistakes. Those are harsh words, but I come to realize that it’s true. You have more to offer to those around you. Your past shouldn’t be standing in your way – it limits your abilities and it limits your recovery. I believe you can do anything you set your mind to.
I, too, started hurting myself at a young age, but there are many ways you can try helping yourself. If you love to write poetry, write tons of poetry. Don’t let the past or your present problems attack you physcially. Let your pen attack it. You can write your way through the painful emotions and feelings. You can also try this when you’re feeling upset: write down all your thoughts and when you’re done either rip it up or soak it in water until you can’t even read the words. You can even talk to your boyfriend and friends.
You have a bright future ahead of you – whether you like to admit it or not. Everyone has a value here. You are a worthy person. There are much healthier ways to cope with problems. Just simply crying is a much better approach than SI-ing.
I don’t know what kind of things you go through in your life, but always start with the first thing in whatever you want to accomplish. If you want it, you can have it, but you have to truly want it. I believe in your capabilities and your recovery. Good luck. I hope this helps you.
-Lessthanzero
Thanks people
aw… it is like…thanks for the support you are giving me although I am new here.
I know there are healthier ways to cope but sometimes I just thinks “it doesn’t matter if I try or not. I am trying for no one and for nothing so it doesn’t matter” and then I can’t avoid to remember all my past. It is like the circus’ elephant in one book I read a long time ago…
We don’t forget our past, but we can’t dwell on it either. The things that already happened are gone, and we just have to try and better ourselves from them. That’s how life works, you live and you learn. We experience, and we change. Or we try our hardest to. Change is hard, but you can make it easy, all you have to do is want it.