Hi! I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged and that’s because I just haven’t really been able to put into words what I’ve been feeling deep inside of me. Deep down I’ve been in so much emotional pain and have been angrier than I’ve ever felt before. I’ve been trying to cover up the pain by hurting myself either with the food or with my tools that I have. Everytime I injure myself everything seems to stand still and I feel this numbing effect to the point where I completely stop feeling anything and then it’s like after it’s done the anger comes back in 10 folds. For about the last few months or more even I’ve been trying to push all those buttons that everyone has so that they would just say good-bye. Actually I’ve been trying to mostly push all the wrong buttons with my Therapist & Psychiatrist just so they would get so fed up with me that they would be the ones to end treatment and then I would be alone and not feel the guilt I feel if I Self-Harm. I’m in so much pain that I can’t think straight enough to pull back on what I’m doing. I try so hard not to that it eats at me and then that’s where I give in to whatever is happening at the time. I feel like that when it happens I’m not even aware of it until I injure. Right now I’m feeling really lost and I guess just need some sort of signal that this to shall past because right now I can’t even see any light. My E-mail is denny666@verizon.net if you feel like writing. I can’t get pass this wall I’m seeing in front of me and I’m kind of scared about this feeling because it’s never been this intense before.