I told my friend today. I went to her house, because I let it slip that something was serously wring with me, and she wanted me to tell her. I went because i was afraid if i didnt go, she would call my mom, and tell her. or she would do something, I donk know what I thought would happen, but I went. I brought (almost) all of my tools. We sat on the couch and she asked me what was wrong, and I showed her the tools. When she understood, it was like, ‘Why? What are you doing?’ She didnt understand it at first. I wanted her to scream and yell, but she barley talked in whispers. She asked me how long, why I did this, what I was thinking. She wanted to see the marks. I was so afraid of what she would think. I showed her, and….

It was terrible. She didnt freak out, but the look on her face, it was just pure horror, and disgust. At me. She turned around ant covered her mouth, saying ‘Oh my God.’ They arnt that bad, really. Not compaired to others ive seen. After a while , she calmed down and she gets it a little now, but she threw the tools away. I said they were the only ones I had. I lied, I have more. Im a monster, and all i can think is her face, what it looked like. She relaxed, and gets it more, but thats all i can think of. Im evil, a monster. I LIED to pher, and she just wanted to help. I thought telling her would help, but I feel so, so much worse. SIi was the only thing keeping me stable ,and now it feels like my little world is falling apart in front of me. I cant stand it! I want to scream! I want to end it!! Why did i do this??? Why did I tell her??? Ive been so close to the edge, and Ive been trying not to fall off, but now all I want to do is jump…. Its horrible, seeing me, seein what I am. I hate it, i hate me,  but…. I dont know. I just dont know anymore…