i know my problem and i know its bad, ive tried to stop and i went a whole week without S.I. but the thing thats stoping me is that the things i strive for have some negative sides and i just cant handle the effects. i feel like i dont make sense anymore and that im not doing anything with my life,  if it wasnt for friends i dont know where i would be, thank God for friends. its interesting how many people where shocked when they realized what i was doing, they kept asking why? and i just told them because i cant do anything right without screwing up, most of them were shocked because im such a happy person and the type of person who makes friends with everyone, but to be honest they dont matter to me, very few people that i know have i deemed friends and ive messed things up for them so many times if it wasnt for my 4 most closest friends who have stuck with me through thick and thin, i dont think id be trying to get help right now