I’ve been si for years now. It almost failed me out of school and now it’s hurting my college years. The pattern is unmistakable, as soon as i think im gonna be okay and that it’s over the si starts up again with a vengence. I’m not as bothered by it as I should be, but it’s breaking the hearts of my fiance and my best friends. I’m ashamed to look at them sometimes, the pain on his face is unbearable, he doesnt understand how i can do that to myself. I cant do this forever, I know that. I want kids young and I am nowhere near ready for that if I can’t even help myself. I’ve been in and out of therapy but I am out of money for that now, so now im seeking help where I can get it. SI ISN’T going to run my life, apart from the time I si (in which i am totally powerless) I am a strong, determined person, this is just one more obstacle blocking my way to happiness. For those who think this is just a phase, it’s not. my parents tried convincing themselves it was a phase for years and chose to look the other way, doesn’t work. This is an addiction, it makes us weak and vulnerable. Sometimes I dont even need an excuse to si, i’m on an internal alarm clock programed for si.  If you dont think it’s hurting your life then look at your loved ones, they care. Personally, im not going to let si get rid of the person who loves me more than I love myself.