I was literally just one second away from ending it.  I had already started SIing.  but i just got so scared. i had butterflies and i was trembling.  im crying and scared. this is the closest ive ever gotten to that.  it is so scary. i really want to SI. i need to SI. but i cant. if i do, i may lose everything. no exaggeration.  i need help but i dont know how. im spiralling downward into a horrible depression and i dont know how turn myself back around.