Nobody will want to read this. It’s too long. That I do know!
I’m sitting here alone. In my dinning room. My parents asleep upstairs. They have no idea what I’m going through in my mind. They don’t know their own daughter!
I don’t know what to do. I want to injure so bad. I want to feel the pain.
I don’t want to complain, but my mom started drinking again and I’m angry! My aunt came over with two 6packs of acohol like 2 weeks ago, and now there’s 3 of the drinks! Why would she do that! She KNOWS I hate her drinking! She went multiple years without drinking! She started again!
It makes me think that if you’re addicted, you can never stop. I feel that way. Could that be true? Or is that only the thought of somebody who’s lost a battle. Somebody who has no will power? Then, I’m a loser with no will power.
Nobody will help me. My best friend yells at me. My cousin, well she has her own problems. My mom, she doesn’t take me seriously. My dad, I could never talk to him. EVER.
I don’t know what to do. I’m typing this aimlessly. Nobody will read this.
I feel so alone. I want to sleep, but if I go in my room, I’ll injure. It’s been over a week. Should I really ruin that? No, but I probably will. It’s an addiction. I’m sorry for it.
I told my best friend and she said, “Wear long sleeves all summer, or get over it.” How could she say that. I don’t really care. I still love her. She’s USUALLY there!
I just wanted to let you know that there are people out there who not only can help you, but would love to do so!! I know you don’t think that’s possible, but hey… you also didn’t expect anyone to read what you wrote. And I did, and I care enough to write back. : ) Please don’t give up hope!! You’re totally worth it.
I’m sorry about what your best friend said. I hope we can just chalk that up to ignorance…. some people find it very hard to understand SI and say things that sound good and helpful to them. But either way, realize that how you choose to dress won’t impact your worth. There have been so many times where I’ve asked my friend whether or not it’s “really okay” if I wear this shirt or that swimsuit, I was so afraid of what people would think. My friend always has supported me, whether I cover my scars or expose them. It’s very hard and scary to wear things that expose scars. I understand that. I almost never disguise my scars, but I still have the same old worries again this summer. I guess the main thing is to remember that you’re beautiful inside and out, no matter your scars. And once you get to that point, there’s a certain amount of freedom in that.
You are not alone in this. And there is someone who wants to help you, and maybe there is someone you could help. Your best friend just probably doesn’t understand and maybe doesn’t want to, but you cant blame yourself for that.
There is always someone there for you.
If you want to talk, we can trade facebook names.
I read the whole thing. There are people out there that love you. We are not powerless, and we are not alone. We can overcome addiction. For some of us, the first problem with recovering is the fact that we don’t WANT to recover. If we keep saying we don’t want to or put it off till tomorrow, then we’ll never get better. Don’t give up…take each day one day at a time. Wake up every morning, and say “I will not SI today” and work all day at not injuring, only for that day. We cannot worry about what’s going to happen tomorrow or a week or a month from now, now. We can worry about it when it gets here. Today isn’t the end of the world. One motivation you could use, is that even though your mom drinks, its NO excuse for you to self-injure. Her actions may affect you, but they shouldn’t REFLECT you. You are not her. You’re stronger. You’ve proven it to me, to all of us here. You have more will. You have it in you. You just have to let it be known to you. You can do it. I promise.