I haven’t posted on here in a while

I think I’m crashing a little tonight, and I haven’t done that in a while.  I’m trying to distract myself with studying which doesn’t seem to be working because I can’t get this song out of my head and when the songs not repeating itself I keep thinking about wanting to SI.

lately I’ve been SIing randomly. usually I do it when I’m crashing, not feeling right, or whatever you want to call it.  I have a hard time getting it out of my head when its there and it distracts me from trying to do my work. I cant read when its there clouding over my thoughts. I can barely store the information that I’m reading without it there. I guess I’m just distracted in general but the wanting to injure makes it worse. I couldn’t sleep the other night because my brain wouldn’t stop and slow down and I just wanted to sleep. so I did it.  I’ve been doing it simply for the fact that I can do it I guess. at least that’s how I feel about it at this moment, that could change maybe when I’m not like this.

I still don’t want to stop yet.  I’m waiting for this to level out soon, as it always seems to do around this time of year (some sort of hope for summer making things better I guess) but I don’t see an end in this right now. I just hope it comes soon. but as always it will surprise me randomly during the summer. and then I do it and I’m back at it again.

I don’t know what I’m saying right now really, I hope it makes some sort of sense.