well i have come to the point where i dont know if there truely is a turning back…i know maybe i shouldnt say that but that is where i am at in this point in time and i hate it..ugh thats how i feel and i dont know why but i just do…i feel so welcome and cared for by people i dont really  know but yet i feel so alone in this world…i have nothing else to do but sit and its driving me up the wall…my friend an i made up but she wont  talk about what went wrong  with us and i dont know if maybe that is enough for me right now..i wish i could just go and never look back but i cant right now…my heart breaks everytime i want to injure….i havent injured in a week today and kevin said its a good job but i dont think its gonna be good enough right now…the reason for this is becasue i dont know if i will be able to keep it going i want to so badly but i dont know if i am gonna be strong enough but only time will tell i guess