so this week has been interestingg

on sunday i was just so depressed, i almost had a mental breakdown in church, and then i was about to talk to my one friend about it but then it suddenly became all about her. cause in her mind, i cannot ven begin to know how bad life is and im just being selfish when im depressed. and i dont have real problems. and im so sick of it, shes my best friend and i love her but im tired of her always putting me and my problems down and im tired of just playing second cause thats all ive ever done in my life is play second and now i si’d again and i was so good for like a week and a half but that kinda just killed it. then i told my friend about everything, and i mean everything, my si. its good talking to him though, cause he used to si but he beat it. he wants to help me beat it too.

i don’t know who or what i am anymore and i just cant take it sometimes

last night i had a long talk with my best friedn about just about everything, i was upset and it made me feel a little better. then she made me promise not to do anything so i didnt which i guess is good.

im having a lot of difficulties with my faith right now, im a pretty religious person, but i dont feel God anymore. im doubting if he even cares sometimes, and other times im just plain pissed off at him