I don’t understand myself. I hate who I have become. I’m steadily getting worse in every way. I’ll start my blog with a confession. Okay. I am addicted to self mutilation. I just can’t stop. I feel like I can’t focus on anything until I hurt myself. I’ve been si-ing for two years now and its just so natural to me. Also, I started a second way of injuring recently. I’ve been tempted so many times and I just got sick of it and gave in. I always give in…All day I felt like crying. I’m getting so sick of everything. My dad, his drinking, my stepmom, their possible divorce, losing my stepsisters who have become close friends, broken bond with my real sister, dealing with my pop pop, missing my mom, pretending I’m Christian when I’m athiest just to please my parents, trying to control my self mutilation, the hurtful words of the person to whom I told everything about my self harm to, the hopeless feelings I constantly have, the competition with my sister just to earn my fathers pride and love, hiding the fact that I’m bisexual in a family of anti-gay religious people, everything is just weighing me down. Not to mention I’m lonely and the girl I’ve had a crush on for years has a girlfriend and she talks about her all the time…I just don’t know how much more I can take before I completely lose myself…I don’t even feel like I’m alive. I don’t know where these last two years have gone. I lost my parents’ trust, my boyfriend, my friends, myself…its just going to get worse until I become nothing more than a corpse six feet under cold hard ground, under an abandoned and lonely gravestone…