I’ve been thinking for the last couple of weeks how I don’t want to go back and see my therapist & psychiatrist anymore to me it’s not worth it and I know for them it’s a waste of time treating me. I haven’t really stopped SIing for good and the urges have gotten out of control. I don’t want to be in therapy and hrting myself at the same time to me it’s either one or the other and right now therapy is totally out. I want to be left alone and not have any ties to anything or anyone. no one gets that I’m beyond hurting I’m numb and can’t feel anything and no one or nothing is going to make me feel any differently. I’m anger all the time and all I hear in my head is just get out you don’t have to be in therapy. I also hear inside my head saying that you have to stay away and by staying away you will prove that no one will miss or care about you anyway. Tonight I could feel the pressure is on and that I have the urge to just give in and say the hell with it. Nothing last forever expect the earth and sky everything else just slips away.
Sometimes when we want to pull away from something or someone, it can be a good sign. Perhaps your psychiatrist/therapist are encouraging you to talk about things that are difficult for you. Maybe it is because you are making progress on some level (even if you don’t feel like you are!) – that you want to quit.
Consider what you’d write to someone here on this blog if they were saying the same things you are saying. My guess is that you’d encourage them to keep trying and keep going to see there therapist/psychiatrist. It’s worth the fight Denise, YOU are worth the fight. I hope you’ll keep working to get through this difficult time.
Take care, Pam
i never really thought it was a prob. excect i watch a tv show intervention and this week its about injuring yourself wow my youngest daughter knows i do it once inawile but i thought i had to much to drink but ive done it several times after that ive came out with injuries and i only do it when im drinking until tonite ive had a few but not drunk so how do i stop it does feel so good but hurts
If you have the attitude that no one or nothing is going to help you, then it is sad to say, but you are probably right. The first step to stop SI is to want to stop. By you wanting to stop, you can being to get through the hard times and be willing to try other things to help you through them. I use to SI a while ago, and then I stopped. The only thing was, I got help and stopped because someone else told me too, I didn’t want to myself. Then 3 years later, I was SI-ing again. Except after it went on for a little while, I wanted to stop. I was the one who got help and I believe that is why it truly helped that time, because I was prepared to do something about it. I feel like you are strong enough to as well.
You say that you don’t want to be in therapy and SI at the same time but maybe for now, that is a good thing. At least if you are still doing it, you can work with your therapist on finding out what it is that triggers you, how you feel before, during, and after, and then you can work on addressing the triggers or on testing out alternatives when you have the urge. You sound like a very smart and strong person and I am sure that you will figure things out.