Ok. So it’s been a week and one day since I last SI’d. The few people that know I do it know that I haven’t done it since then. The past week was fine at first, but the longer I go without SI, the more I want to do it. I’m so close to doing it right now and I just…don’t want to. I feel like I need to. I know that, if I do it, I’ll feel better fast and I won’t have to wait for this feeling to leave. but I know if I do, I’ll be right back where I started. I want to get better. I NEED to get better. I have way too many friends that need me to stop focusing on me and focus on them. Also, if I start SI’ing again, like I used to, then I’ll have to go to rehab. The only thing keeping me from SI’ing before was fear, but I’m honestly not scared of it anymore. I just want to be happy and SI’ing makes me happy when I do it. But then afterwards, it makes me hurt even worse…
I just don’t know what to do anymore…
this won’t bring too much comfort, but alls you can really do is stick with it. as time goes on, and keeps going on, the urges get less and less untill they’re easier to deal with. and way to go not SIing for more than a week! and think, SIing will just make those feelings come back so much stronger next time, but if you beat them without SI, then the next time they come, you will be prepared. email me if you want to talk to someone: dumdiddly311@yahoo.com
p.s. – my name is britt too :]