Ok. So it’s been a week and one day since I last SI’d. The few people that know I do it know that I haven’t done it since then. The past week was fine at first, but the longer I go without SI, the more I want to do it. I’m so close to doing it right now and I just…don’t want to. I feel like I need to. I know that, if I do it, I’ll feel better fast and I won’t have to wait for this feeling to leave.  but I know if I do, I’ll be right back where I started. I want to get better. I NEED to get better. I have way too many friends that need me to stop focusing on me and focus on them. Also, if I start SI’ing again, like I used to, then I’ll have to go to rehab.  The only thing keeping me from SI’ing before was fear, but I’m honestly not scared of it anymore. I just want to be happy and SI’ing makes me happy when I do it. But then afterwards, it makes me hurt even worse…

I just don’t know what to do anymore…