so i havent been on in a bit….but tonight i just need someone i dont know what to do anymore i feel so alone and empty..i try to do my best but its just not working anymore and i dont know why..i feel like my whole life is falling apart right in front of me..i met someone and i thought she would be good for me but it was just another one of those nope she just pushed me off onto someone else and i quess they talk about me and said im hard to handle but i thought when you are having a urge or just si’ed wouldnt they be hard to handle as well? i know i know but lately i feel so alone and that its just not worth it anymore and i hate this feeling so badly but really nothing is to change until i do but its so hard when i depend on it everyday i use to go week after week with out it but now its like everyday i need it and i dont know why i feel this way i feel so dependit on it and i feel like no one wants to be around me and to help me but i guess i have to want the help before i van get it and accept it dont i? last night i sat in bed wanting to  and when i reached over my stuff was gone and i think i need to look at that and finally realize it all needs to be gone so i can get better..but i also think what is better if i dont have this to help me to be there for me when i have no one else i feel so stupid and dumb that it has come to this ugh i hate this so badly i feel so alone and i dont know anymore i dont know what to do what to say all i know is ugh is how i feel and that maybe its just better to feel nothing and be alone…