I am the parent of a teen who SI’s and I wish I knew how to make it stop. It breaks my heart to know how badly she’s hurting but she won’t tell anyone what is wrong. What causes this?
I am a 24 year old teacher. I graduated from the SAFE program in the summer of ’08. I hope to provide a little insight, having been a self injurer and now being a teacher 11-18 year olds.
Communication problems are a big component of SI. Usually, people who SI have not learned to be direct with what they are feeling and/or what they want or need. Sometimes people who SI don’t even know what they need. Also, many of them are looking for others to take care of them instead of taking their problems head on. Manipulation is not intentional in most cases, but can be perceived that way by “outsiders.”
Get her a therapist. She might resent you for it at first, and refuse to talk, but eventually she will break down. I was seeing my therapist for almost a year before i actually started confiding in her. Dont make her talk, but tell her that you are there if she wants to. It may be best to leave her a note or somthing because face to face confrontation is always hard. Dont freak out on her and hide all sharp objects, this will just make her want to do it more and believe me she will find them. dont be too pushy. When i got to the point when i had to go inpatient they gave me the choice between SAFE or a place that they described as similar to a boot camp. When i got to SAFE i was a mess and didnt trust anyone because i had learned not to. On my second day there, i was so desperate to get out of the place that i attempted suicide. Well needless to say i was not successfull i scared the crap out of myself and chickend out halfway through and told someone
Hi, I am 18 and self harm. my mother has no clue that this is a problem for me.
It varies from teen to adult as to the reasons for S.I’ing. Maybe if you could talk to her about if she knows what triggers her.
Triggering is when we have the urge to S.I. It can be something as simple as seeing a certain color or having something bring back a bad memory. There is a book that i wanted to get. Maybe it could help? Its called the Scarred Soul: (Understanding and putting an end to self harm?), i dont know who wrote it but i am sure you can google the title.
S.I sometimes starts out as an act to control a situtation, then it becomes something that we cant control and then something we need (addiction)
Counseling may help. (Thats what i would like my mother to offer me)
I dont know if i helped at all. I probly didnt. But i do think its amazing that you are trying to help her! I wish i could tell my mom. Well good luck!
Thank you for all of your comments. Maybe in addition to her counseling, meds, I can try to help her learn to be more assertive. Not sure how open she’ll be but maybe if I go slowly (?)
um, i sent you an e-mail. It had personal information about myself as in my real name and what i do 🙁 can you please, delete it!!
You can reach me a oreosandcookies@gmail.com i made that e-mail especially for things like this. I cant risk someone finding out about my problem. Thank you!
Hello!
I am a 24 year old teacher. I graduated from the SAFE program in the summer of ’08. I hope to provide a little insight, having been a self injurer and now being a teacher 11-18 year olds.
Communication problems are a big component of SI. Usually, people who SI have not learned to be direct with what they are feeling and/or what they want or need. Sometimes people who SI don’t even know what they need. Also, many of them are looking for others to take care of them instead of taking their problems head on. Manipulation is not intentional in most cases, but can be perceived that way by “outsiders.”
Feel free to ask me anything.
Get her a therapist. She might resent you for it at first, and refuse to talk, but eventually she will break down. I was seeing my therapist for almost a year before i actually started confiding in her. Dont make her talk, but tell her that you are there if she wants to. It may be best to leave her a note or somthing because face to face confrontation is always hard. Dont freak out on her and hide all sharp objects, this will just make her want to do it more and believe me she will find them. dont be too pushy. When i got to the point when i had to go inpatient they gave me the choice between SAFE or a place that they described as similar to a boot camp. When i got to SAFE i was a mess and didnt trust anyone because i had learned not to. On my second day there, i was so desperate to get out of the place that i attempted suicide. Well needless to say i was not successfull i scared the crap out of myself and chickend out halfway through and told someone
im only 15
but enough about me
hope my advice helps
-balletfreak
Hi, I am 18 and self harm. my mother has no clue that this is a problem for me.
It varies from teen to adult as to the reasons for S.I’ing. Maybe if you could talk to her about if she knows what triggers her.
Triggering is when we have the urge to S.I. It can be something as simple as seeing a certain color or having something bring back a bad memory. There is a book that i wanted to get. Maybe it could help? Its called the Scarred Soul: (Understanding and putting an end to self harm?), i dont know who wrote it but i am sure you can google the title.
S.I sometimes starts out as an act to control a situtation, then it becomes something that we cant control and then something we need (addiction)
Counseling may help. (Thats what i would like my mother to offer me)
I dont know if i helped at all. I probly didnt. But i do think its amazing that you are trying to help her! I wish i could tell my mom. Well good luck!
Thank you for all of your comments. Maybe in addition to her counseling, meds, I can try to help her learn to be more assertive. Not sure how open she’ll be but maybe if I go slowly (?)
um, i sent you an e-mail. It had personal information about myself as in my real name and what i do 🙁 can you please, delete it!!
You can reach me a oreosandcookies@gmail.com i made that e-mail especially for things like this. I cant risk someone finding out about my problem. Thank you!