my name is josh, i had this relationship with this girl but wasn’t a common one. i always been shy i never know what to say but i always say yes to everything. even if i don’t like it i never have opinions about anything and im always feeling lazy or forced to do things and i like to be alone most of the times.. i nvr rly had anyone and if i had i never talked about my self i think its just an other water tear into the sea, but anyhow this girl the only I’ve liked in my life.. wasnt from the place i live, if you understand what i mean. i feel shamed for sayinng this. i feel pathetic about my self but anyhow this girl stopped me from injuring my self for over a year. but now she has a boyfriend. a real one. and I’m without anybody living ina house alone. in a foreign country. i can do whatever i want to my self but i dont know which step to take, i never liked to talk about this and i never did until now.

when i try to talk about my stuffs i always have that feeling of crying even when i have the thought about talking of my self i mean i haven’t even said a word about me . i took 2 hours writing this. i dont know what to do and im sick and tired of being alone. aand to bottleing up my things. couse i think they are shameful. and an other weight for the people arround me. so i preffered writing this instead of talking this to someone face to face. im in the edge of injuring my self and who knows what else. ive lost the sense on doing stuff i dont like anything only my room.