i’ve been injuring for almost 2 years and no one knows. because i’m really good at pretending and hiding. recently, everything i see has become a potential tool, it doesn’t matter what it is or where i am anymore. i’m writing this because i’m afraid one day i’ll take it too far. i want to stop, but i don’t want the feeling i get from SI to stop. i just need help.
I know where you’re coming from. I’ve been dealing with SI for about a year now…not as long as you…but the same addiction none the less. I know I can’t look at anything without picturing how I can hurt or kill myself with it. I’ve been really good at keeping it inside, no one knowing…but people find out. I eventually told two very close friends and my boyfriend and they prayed for me and tried to help keep me from it…but eventually it got wayyy to dangerous. I showed my best friend and they said that I needed to tell an adult before it became too much and I went too deep. I told my youth pastor…but…if you don’t have a youth pastor you can just tell an adult you trust. A teacher maybe? I don’t know…but anyway, he talked to me about it for a long time and it ended with him having permission to call my mom, permission from me. The thing is, if you really want help, you’re willing to do what you have to to get it. Even if it is scary or something. I know I was terrified when I knew my mom was going to find out…but it turned out for the better. The thing is…people are going to expect you to stop right away. I know I couldn’t stop right away…I’m still dealing with it. I know how desperate you can get sometimes. The high you get from it is amazing…but then think about how it feels after. It’s horrible for me anyway…
Anyway, if you need to talk to someone…I know you don’t know me, but sometimes talking to someone you don’t know at all is the best thing. I’m here anyway… 🙂
-Brittany
thank you so very much. i wanted to tell my youth pastor, but a couple days before i had planned to, this other kid in my youth group told her something really personal, and she told everyone. i just don’t trust her and it scares me that i could be so wrong about a person, you know? i don’t know who to trust with stuff like this, i’m just afraid that people will get scared or judgemental and avoid me and that’s the last thing i want/ need. i think it’s just me in this. but thank you for replying, i really appreciate it. c: