I’m sitting here thinking that if they only knew what’s been up with me. I really can’t explain, but I know that if the people back at S.A.F.E. knew what’s been happening and how I’ve been handling it they would definetly agree with me that I am a lost cause. I still remember what I’ve learned and I try it’s just that I still have this one decision to make and it’s really haunting me. I have to decide if I could live without the one friend of mine who’s good at shelling out the abuse and I don’t know if you guys remember I mentioned that I equate love and abuse as being the same thing and right now I feel that is the only way I could feel like someone cares about me. I’m afraid to say no to her and that’s because I know her really well (At least 30yrs) and I know that she’s not the type of person to accept what others say because she always has an answer for everything and I don’t think she can see pass herself. I feel the only way to handle this is to self-injury and I’ve been doing it for a while it’s the only way to relieve the pressure cooker feeling. I feel like my back is up against a wall or that the walls are closing in on me.