I spoke with my psychiatrist on Saturday and told her that I’m having a hard time. I told her how I just want to leave Facebook and just drop everything and everyone and that includes everyone I met from the S.A.F.E. Program and other that heard of it.  I can’t seem to take the pressure of having this one person there that I’m afraid to say no and stand up for what i need and want.  She has effected every aspect of my life from the time I met her which was back in 1978 give or take a year.  She’s had the upper hand in everything even after we stopped seeing each she was still there.  As of Saturday my psychiatris knows of 1 time that I self-injury, but doesn’t actually know that it was 3 times.  I need to get away and be alone and not have anyone around and that includes any kind of therapy  I can’t seem to get this right and I have no idea how I stood away from this person for a whole year (about 2 years ago) i was happy and able to get through the average day now I feel even though she’s miles away from me she is still next door.  I am so far under water that I’m having trouble swimming to the top and I feel like that same person I always feel like and that’s a loser.