It’s been a while since I last SI. I’m trying so hard to just do what’s right, because I don’t want to hurt my family like I’ve been doing. I love them so much, but they don’t understand..well at least it doesn’t seem that they do. They’ve known that I SI for a little less than a year and they’ve gotten me the help I need and all that kind of stuff. The thing is, they don’t understand that it’s a process and I can’t just STOP randomly. You get what I’m saying? I’m trying so hard not to hurt myself, but it’s so hard. I just don’t know what to do. Everything is a trigger for me. I don’t know how much longer I can go, but I’m trying to stay strong. I just can’t stand the thought. I knew it was going to be hard, but it doesn’t seem like I’m actually thinking about it any less..just more and more as time goes by. I’m so scared of myself and what I could do. I’m so scared to be left with any tools. I don’t want to cheat myself out of anything..like the relationship I have with my mom. I don’t want to hurt them..I can’t. But if I’m not hurting anyone, then I’m leaving this all inside..so I feel like I need to hurt myself. I’m so afraid..I’m so scared. I don’t know how much longer..