So, today I finally slipped up and injured again. Six months injury free, and today I ruined it. At this point I’m kind of numb about it, but I’m dreading the all too familiar disgust and self loathing. The scary thing is that I forgot how addictive it is. I’m going to have to actively work not to do it again and again as a coping mechanism for life. Everything just added up into a horrible overload of stress, hurt, and anger and it overwhelmed me. Nothing’s gotten any better, because of what I did and I know it’s just going to start stacking up against me again but I’m temporarily relieved. For now I’m going to keep this slip up my little secret. If people found out they’d just blame themselves or be angry and disappointed with me, and I’d wind up locked in the psych ward like my stepparents threatened to do last time. I’m just really scared right now, and I don’t know what to do. It’s been a few hours since I did it, and I’m already craving the numbness again… I’m a failure and a disappointment to everyone, especially myself.
Supreme success. Congratulations for going 6 months without self-injuring! Yes, you relapsed and that’s too bad. Instead of looking at it as a failure, look at is as a learning experience. Why did you injure? What’s going on in your life that’s making it hard to stay safe? What were you feeling? Maybe your friends and family will be disappointed if they find out, but I find that if I’m strong and strong in my conviction to stay safe, my friends and family trust me more despite my relapse. What’s really important is how YOU feel about it. Relapse doesn’t have to mean failure or falling down a slippery slope. Stay strong, talk to friends, get out your journal, go for a walk. You can stay safe. You did for 6 months and that’s amazing! I believe in you. Keep up the good work.