So, today I finally slipped up and injured again. Six months injury free, and today I ruined it. At this point I’m kind of numb about it, but I’m dreading the all too familiar disgust and self loathing. The scary thing is that I forgot how addictive it is. I’m going to have to actively work not to do it again and again as a coping mechanism for life. Everything just added up into a horrible overload of stress, hurt, and anger and it overwhelmed me. Nothing’s gotten any better, because of what I did and I know it’s just going to start stacking up against me again but I’m temporarily relieved. For now I’m going to keep this slip up my little secret. If people found out they’d just blame themselves or be angry and disappointed with me, and I’d wind up locked in the psych ward like my stepparents threatened to do last time. I’m just really scared right now, and I don’t know what to do. It’s been a few hours since I did it, and I’m already craving the numbness again… I’m a failure and a disappointment to everyone, especially myself.