Today…went better than yesterday…but I still feel things of wanting to go anorexic and wanting to go back to self injury. Because I had a better day I’m feeling happier…but its over the tiniest thing (getting my assignment notebook back) so I don’t feel like I can be happy and I also don’t want to feel happy and then only watch my life fall again. One of my best friends is in my health class and today we started talking about depression and she knows that I was depressed and did SI she doesn’t know about these current thoughts but she got a lot of information and tomorrow is more about suicide…not looking forward to that.  I feel like I’m an open book now and I keep thinking that people have more empathy for me and its making me think that they know about my depression and SI…but they don’t so I’m being paranoid. That happens a lot lately being paranoid and scared of the small things not of dying or being raped…horrible examples I know but I’m not scared about it. I’m scared about walking into school, buying lunch, walking into classes, just things like that. Things that no body worries about usually is what I’m worrying about. I don’t think I’m going to lunch tomorrow and if I do then once the weather gets warmer out I’m losing all of this weight (even though there’s nothing there!) I need to lose it…I feel so fat…I want to be thinner…happier about how I look.