I finally told someone after I got myself to stop for a full two weeks. A person who knew me so well, and who I trusted. They kept up that trust by agreeing not to tell my parents as long as I seeked help. I went to a therapist. If you can even call him that, I mean a man who has to go smoke in between appointments sounds like he has some addiction issues of his own to me. Well I only saw him once and never went back. But I had stopped SIing and was proud of myself. I had a little slip up in January but stayed strong. I have come so far. And here I am again with it filling my mind. I want to SI I want to talk to the person I told in the beginning but she always worries about me and that makes me feel bad, when I’m upset I can tell she gets worried I’m going to SI . Sometimes I feel like I wear this fake mask so much to make people think I am always happy that I can’t even find my own emotions. But as the thoughts of SIing take over my mind today I will try to remain strong. I try focus on other things but it is hard. I’ve come so far to fall again. I can’t even tell what I’m feeling anymore. I will not just try to stay strong, I will.
Your attitude is amazing. I am a 2 time SAFE graduate and finally feel recovered from a vicious cycle of self injury and eating disorders. Your attitude of “I will not try, I will” is a great place to be. When the urge to injure is strong, try to have things to DO, not just focus on, like call a friend, take a walk, journal, read, take a hot shower, paint your nails. After I call someone – and I don’t even have to tell them I’m not feeling safe – I usually do something I can feel like pet the dog or take a shower, to bring me in the here and now. And just because one therapist was bad doesn’t mean they all are. I understand your frustration, but I encourage you to try someone else. Keep strong. I have faith in you.
Thank you so much. This is my first time using this blog and I can already tell how it is here and really does help. I have never seen any real professionals about my problem because I never thought they were bad enough and I am thankful for your ideas on what to do to keep my mind of things. I am so pleased to find this new support system. Thanks 🙂 I am staying strong.