I finally told someone after I got myself to stop for a full two weeks. A person who knew me so well, and who I trusted. They kept up that trust by agreeing not to tell my parents as long as I seeked help. I went to a therapist. If you can even call him that, I mean a man who has to go smoke in between appointments sounds like he has some addiction issues of his own to me. Well I only saw him once and never went back. But I had stopped SIing and was proud of myself. I had a little slip up in January but stayed strong. I have come so far. And here I am again with it filling my mind. I want to SI I want to talk to the person I told in the beginning but she always worries about me and that makes me feel bad, when I’m upset I can tell she gets worried I’m going to SI . Sometimes I feel like I wear this fake mask so much to make people think I am always happy that I can’t even find my own emotions. But as the thoughts of SIing take over my mind today I will try to remain strong. I try focus on other things but it is hard. I’ve come so far to fall again. I can’t even tell what I’m feeling anymore. I will not just try to stay strong, I will.