today my therapist flat out asked me if i si-ed. and i lied. to his face. he is one of the only people that i trust. and i lied to him. i am sick of pretending. i am sick of making up excuses for when i randomly start crying or just cant deal with people anymore. i dont care. i dont care about anything. i want to quit. for forever. my only wish is that i could go to sleep and never wake up. i am sick of this viscious cycle of pain and shame and more pain and more pain and then more shame. i just want it to end.