I was triggered yesterday by something I saw on Facebook.  Because of this trigger, I want to do 2 things – hurt myself and hate my abuser.  I WILL NOT HURT MYSELF.  But I really want to hate my abuser.  Most days, I am OK with my abuse history.  I no longer have flashbacks and EMDR therapy got me to a point that I accept that what happened, happened, not good, not bad – it just was.  It was unfortunate.  But it just was.  Today, I’m not buying it.  She sucked the life out of me.  She took me away from the people and things I love.  I want her to see my scars.  I want her to know how badly she hurt me.  I want her to apologize to my friends and loved ones she took me from for so long.  I want to hate her.

Then suddenly, in my hate for her, I start to hate myself.  I won’t.  I love myself.  I will not give her the satisfaction of controlling me still today.  The past is gone.  I am here today and I love myself.  I will not let her get the best of me.  I will not back down. I will live and love today.