I was triggered yesterday by something I saw on Facebook. Because of this trigger, I want to do 2 things – hurt myself and hate my abuser. I WILL NOT HURT MYSELF. But I really want to hate my abuser. Most days, I am OK with my abuse history. I no longer have flashbacks and EMDR therapy got me to a point that I accept that what happened, happened, not good, not bad – it just was. It was unfortunate. But it just was. Today, I’m not buying it. She sucked the life out of me. She took me away from the people and things I love. I want her to see my scars. I want her to know how badly she hurt me. I want her to apologize to my friends and loved ones she took me from for so long. I want to hate her.
Then suddenly, in my hate for her, I start to hate myself. I won’t. I love myself. I will not give her the satisfaction of controlling me still today. The past is gone. I am here today and I love myself. I will not let her get the best of me. I will not back down. I will live and love today.