After Chris broke up with me and I stupidly told my father that I s.i., a lot of things have changed. But some things haven’t. Like the “emo” jokes. And the comments on my eyeliner, how it makes me look dead (which creates images in my head that one wouldn’t find too pleasant on a normal standard). Today, I stayed home from school because I felt really sick this morning. My body kept trying to purge itself, but my stomach was empty. It was scary because I couldn’t breathe properly and I was getting lightheaded over the toilet bowl. My pop came home and asked why I was in my pajamas. I told him that I threw up this morning so I stayed home. You know what he said? He asked me which finger I used! He kept making comments about how I made myself throw up to get out of school. To anyone else, this would be his usual sense of humor. To me, I felt like he could see straight through me. My heart froze and tears almost fell down my face. I purge myself sometimes when I dont have anything to use. I thought he knew. These comments are getting to me; just little comments, but they are piling up in my heart and I’m going to explode soon. Jake keeps telling me to tell my family that it hurts when they joke, especially when they know I s.i. yet they still make jokes about what I “REALLY” do when I take a shower (which is usually true, they just don’t know it). I just get nervous at the thought of telling my family how I feel. I usually don’t.