i don’t know what’s up with me these past few weeks.

i had gone 2 monthswithout SI. 2 months. and then i slipped up… then again a few days later… than again after that. i was doing so well, and then that one little mistake ruined it. i haven’t in a few days, but the urges are so much stronger now.  i threw away all the sharps i could use, but still, when you SI, everything is your enemy. and i still want to die. i won’t do anything about it, because that will get me nowhere except more hospitalization, but i still want to. and i didn’t for a few weeks, and now the feeling is back. and i’m having anxiety attacks all the time again, and everything gets to me. to add to all this, my therapist won’t call me back, so i can’t even set up an appointment. my mom still thinks i’m on my way to 3 months of no SI. i feel so bad not telling her, but it would make her so upset… i don’t know, i’m lost these days. and i don’t want to tell people any of this beause they’re going to overreact and get so incredibly worried.  they automatically jump to the wrong conclusion. but i din’t want to scare anyone… everyone worries too much about me, cares too much about me. it takes a toll on them emotinoally and physically, and in my parent’s case, financially. they don’t realize it now, but they’d be better off in the long run without me.